It seems to be that time of year again.. everyone magically decides they want to get married all at the same time. Isn’t that weird? Anyway, a co-worker of mine is getting married today and of course, we’ve been giving him a hard time all week (all in fun, of course). I’m super happy for him but watching him start this new journey had me thinking back when I tied the knot with my husband of three years now. Oh man was I innocent! I don’t care how long you’ve known each other. You could of only known each other for a month or been friends for 10+ years before making the commitment. There’s something that comes with marriage that changes EVERYTHING! For those who are married, am I right or what?? Of course no one actually tells you these things and if they do, chances are you brush them off and think “I know every single thing about my partner. No surprises here”! That’s where you’d be wrong. Things do change and here’s how (my experience, at least).
Keeping a serious relationship has it’s difficulties, I’ll admit. You’re always going to have to overcome bumps in the road but for some bazaar reason, marriage is harder to handle. You can’t just give up and run away when things don’t go your way (trust me, I’ve tried). You’re no longer in la la land. This is REAL LIFE baby!
Note: No, I’m not against marriage and no, I’m not unhappy in my marriage as it may seem from this blog post so far. Just trying to make a point that it’s no walk in the park for ANYONE. Which leads me to my next point..
There’s no PERFECT marriage.
If a couple tries to tell you they have the best marriage, they never fight, and everything just always seems peachy with them, they are LYING to you. A REAL marriage has fights and yes, they can get messy. This is how you know you have a good relationship. Think about it.. you both care enough to get into arguments that you feel strongly about. In my opinion, it makes your connection stronger. You learn something DEEP about the other person. Something personal that you don’t normally notice. You learn so much about a person in a heated argument. Things may be said and done inappropriately but you’ll move on and grow from it. No sweat.
Kids don’t make it all better.
Alright, I may not have personal experience in the kid department but come on. Do you really expect the stress of a screaming, needy child to save your marriage? So many couples think bringing a baby into the world with provide a special connection with their partner. FALSE. You see how this fails every. single. time. Only make the step when your marriage is at it’s STRONGEST. You’ll need that strength for those sleepless, aggrivating moments that come with having a baby.
Note: Not totally against having kids either.. Just make sure you are both ready for it!
Family will be an issue even if you all get along (or think you do)
Within your own personal family, is there any drama? Even a little? Ok, how bout just a really “different” relative? If not, I don’t think you or your family are actually human. It’s natural to have a crazy, drama driven, mostly embarrassing family. Everyone has one so EMBRACE the craziness and be thankful your partner still chose to be with you.
I’m rambling. Anyway, when taking on a second family there’s bound to be conflict. Fathers will always be protective of their daughters and sons will always think their mothers are right about EVERYTHING. Parents will always judge. Siblings can be iffy too. Remember this: Deep breathes and fake smiles! Best advice my grandpa ever gave my grandma: “Don’t listen to a thing my mother says. Tune her out, smile, and nod”. That’s money right there!
Money is an issue that will never go away
Before getting hitched, you may have some shared money stashed away or a shared bank account. Even if you don’t have money issues at the moment, you will one the ring goes on the finger. Even if you have it, you’ll have a new found stress over it. We all spend money differently. What’s important to me is certainly NOT what my hubby finds important. For example, Birchbox is my guilty pleasure. My husband of course doesn’t think makeup is necessary whatsoever. Which is how I feel about him spending God knows how much on video games. I don’t have any advice on overcoming this dilemma so feel free to leave me a comment.
Chores never seem equal
No matter which side you’re on, you’ll always feel like you’re doing the most around the house. It’s finally time to grow up. You’re gonna to care about what your place looks like, what you eat for dinner, how your clothes smell, etc. Suddenly there’s much more to get done that you didn’t even care about before. It’s frustrating always picking up your husbands gross socks off the living room floor but try to think of all the good he DOES do. Like (hopefully) fixing things around the house.
DATES still happen
Just because the games over doesn’t mean you can’t have a hot date with your partner. I live for Friday night Steak & Shake dates 🙂 Just kidding, we do other cutesy stuff..sometimes.. HAVE FUN! Marriage isn;t supposed to be dull & boring. It’s not like you get married at 23 and the next day your bickering like an 80 year old couple. Although, I often feel way older than my age and upon getting married I’ve began getting greys..hmm…
You need your space
It’s easy to spend every moment with each other in the beginning. In fact, you probably can’t keep your hands off each other. But that quickly changes. Get some space or you’ll be ready to KILL each other. Trust me, been there done that!
There are still commitments to be made
Marriage is the ultimate commitment, right? Well you can expect even more commitment as time goes on. Buying a house, having kids, job opportunities, and I’m sure there are a ton more. Right now I’m in the “I love this apartment, I don’t want to buy a house, I’ll NEVER leave Florida, and I don’t want anything to ever change” kind of mood. I’m content & happy and never want to take the next step into change. I’ll have to one day though 😦
It’s not all that bad
I love how I started this blog with a somewhat negative (but truthful) attitude and now I’m ending it by telling you that it’s all good. There are many positives that come with marriage but just don’t expect it to be easy. You’ll be in for a huge surprise if you do. Be willing to WORK for your happiness together. And don’t give up at the first sign of conflict.
One last thought. Immediately after getting married and up to a year afterwards, everyone in the entire world (no exaggeration) will ask how it feels to be married. You’ll put on a big smile and say nothing has changed but you know it did. Everything changed.. but you’re cool with that. 🙂